By Tythe owner Emma Deeley.
Twenty years on from Tythe owner’s Emma and Will Deeley’s wedding day, what do they still believe they got just right, and is there anything they wish they had done differently? Emma reveals all in 11 tips to borrow for your own wedding planning . . .
‘We got married on 16th of October 2004, having met at university 16 years earlier. The night before our wedding I stayed at home with our son Stan, then nine months, my parents and three sisters while Will was at the other end of the village in his childhood home, The Farmhouse.
Our wedding morning was overcast but I was woken up with a breakfast tray and all three sisters perched on my bed, as well as a little Stan crawling around. It was a perfect start. I wasn’t nervous at all – there were constant distractions with people coming and going. I set myself up in the bedroom for hair and make-up while Will was in a quiet part of the farm writing his speech. There were a couple of disappointments – my hair wasn’t quite how I planned it. I’d wanted it piled up into a messy up do and it was a bit too neat and tidy. And the colour of my bouquet wasn’t right. I’d chosen a dusky pink antique-looking rose with a hint of vintage gold but when it arrived it was predominantly bright yellow roses. Neither of these things mattered though. I was on my way to the church to marry Will surrounded by my closest family and friends and I couldn’t have been happier. I often advise couples to not sweat the small stuff, there’s so much ‘loveliness’ going on during the wedding day, often the little quirks are what contribute to making the day so special!’
You can have it all: church + outdoor ceremony + blessing
‘We got married at St Mary’s church just beyond the Tythe estate and walked into the grounds of Tythe for our reception. With a strong family tie to the church, having grown up next door, it was important to Will to have the service there. But we could have held a civil ceremony at Tythe too. We sort of missed a trick!
There are so many places around the Tythe estate for the ceremony, whether it be civil, humanist or celebrant-led – by the double height Thatched Barn doors and wisteria aisle; in front of the Arbor with views onto open countryside; near the ruins or on The Farmhouse lawns under the giant Willow tree. The vows and official ceremony part of your wedding day are so important, don’t allow it to get eclipsed by all the other fun styling, food and drink decisions you’ll be making.’
Select your season carefully
‘We married in October and all the colours of Autumn were starting to creep across the estate, providing a glorious backdrop to our day. This time of year is typically bright with a lovely freshness in the air and up until at least the third week in October the gardens are still full of leaf and foliage. Back in 2004 I didn’t really consider a winter wedding, it wasn’t a particularly popular time of year for weddings back then and yet now it’s so magical – one of my favourite seasons for a wedding. The barns are cosy with our fairy lights, wood-burners and candles and the gardens look so romantic lit by hundreds of festoon lights. If we’d chosen a Spring wedding and married in May our wisteria aisle would have been in full bloom. Having seen this mature over the years and witnessed some of the most spectacular weddings beneath this lush, lilac canopy, I have to admit that today a May wedding would be high on my agenda. It’s one of the most unique and beautiful parts of the Tythe estate.’
Don’t play it safe with the dress
‘You’re only doing this once and it can be very hard to find a dress that works perfectly for every part of your wedding celebrations. Explore and experiment with different looks and consider all parts of your day. And remember, it is your day so choose a dress that suits you. A statement making gown that feels ideal for the ceremony may be too cumbersome for the dancefloor. Likewise, that thigh-skimming party dress may not be as comfortable as you hoped during the 3-hour wedding breakfast. I discovered a small boutique in Bath where I tried on an Edwardian-style dress which I absolutely loved but felt it might be too ‘out there’. So, I also tried on a simple, empire-line silk dress and after three weeks deliberating between the two, I settled on the safer option. I should have been braver and stuck with the one that felt more like me. It’s something I’ve heard from several brides over the years.’
Get your numbers right
‘With 150 guests, we had a big wedding, and I am so glad we did but it is true that the couple spend a lot of their day saying hello to their guests. If friends and family have travelled from a far to join you on your special day it feels only right to spend a bit of time with them. At Tythe we build in ‘breathers’ for our couples, moments when we quietly whisk them off to a secluded spot to catch their breath and enjoy a few minutes alone together. The trend towards longer weddings, two to three days helps take the pressure off but guest numbers are a big consideration and not just in relation to the food and drink budget. Post-Covid there has been a move towards smaller, decadent celebrations with fewer guests and an increased spend on the ‘guest experience’. Consider if you want everyone there to share your day and to spread the budget across a large celebration or would you prefer a more intimate gathering with a higher spend on pre-dinner cocktails, an extended wedding breakfast, post dinner shots and a variety of entertainment throughout the day and evening?’
And your timings!
‘With all the above in mind, nothing is truer than the warning that your wedding day will pass in a flash. All too soon it is over and the months (sometimes years!) of planning will be behind you. We had a one-day wedding, which was the norm back then, but now it’s the first thing I would change. I wanted to spend more time with the people I love most and indulge in the wonderfulness of ‘our wedding’ and that’s often not possible when you have so many guests to welcome and thank, a photographer’s shot list to get through, the speeches and all the other traditions (new and old) that you’ll want to observe.
We can accommodate as many days as you would like to spend at Tythe, but we have an incredible two-night package that is perfect for the majority of couples who absolutely agree that 24 hours is often not long enough!’
Make it a sleepover
‘The Farmhouse did not exist in its current state when we got married. At the time it was still a family home and not available to our wedding guests. But today it’s a luxuriously re-imagined seven-bedroom country house for as long as you and your wedding party are with us. And if you need to squeeze a couple more of your favourite people in, it has a stylishly furnished and cosy Shepherd’s Hut on the lawn too. The night of our wedding we stayed at The Randolph in Oxford (there was a fire alarm at around 3am so we had to assemble outside in the cold October rain!) What is wonderful today is knowing that our couples can share a special dinner around the Farmhouse table the evening before their wedding, come together again for breakfast on the morning of their special day, get ready together and afterwards, relive all the highlights over a lazy brunch.’
Plan to pamper
‘On the morning of my wedding, I got ready at our home, but I wish I’d had a dedicated space (or two!) on site. We offer a variety of getting ready spaces at Tythe for both the bride and groom. The Farmhouse dressing room has a large makeover area with its own Champagne station next to the main honeymoon suite. Or, for total privacy, our brides can check into The Nook, a standalone converted barn that has its own en-suite, hair and make-up area and a relaxing dressing room with all the space you need for you and the girls to get ready. It’s often a real highlight of the stay and having not had it myself, I can see why. Our grooms are well catered for too with the decadent Court Room offering a relaxed setting, luxuriously kitted out with rustic wood-panelled walls, leather armchairs, a drinks trolley and vintage pool table! 2025 will also see the launch of The Lodge – an additional space dedicated to the groom and his groomsmen.’
Get Dressed Up
‘It’s becoming popular again to add a dress code or theme to a wedding day. The weddings that we host that have a dress code often feel very unified. It doesn’t have to be complicated or expensive, but it is one of the quickest ways of making your guests all feel part of something special. Not everyone is invited to your wedding day after all! For our wedding, Will asked the men to come in Morning Suits – it was fun to see them make the effort. For female guests it could be something as simple and easy to achieve as a colour palette or summer florals – seeing how guests interpret a dress code is also a great conversation starter.’
Make it memorable
‘Attending a friend’s or family member’s wedding requires a financial investment from every one of your guests, so investing time considering ways in which you can thank them with thoughtful and detailed touches throughout the day won’t go unnoticed. That might be bespoke cocktails in our walled gardens, bringing some fun to the late afternoon with garden games, a portrait artist or surprise gourmet moments – like edible strawberries hanging from our pergola. It’s often these touches over everything else that they remember and appreciate. Tythe offers a long list of ideas and inspiration to add unique touches to your day, tap into our 25 years of experience and let us help you create the most spectacular wedding story.’
Looking back over 20 years
Pulling together the photographs of our wedding from 2004 allowed us to see just how far the venue has come since it’s humble beginnings in 1998. From the hired in temporary loos and the bright red carpet to the open sided and untouched Cowshed and non-existent Nook, the venue has evolved significantly over the years. 2021 saw the refurbishment of our 17th century Farmhouse, which opened to wedding guests in June 2022 and with the exciting launch of our new Groom’s Prep room, The Lodge in 2025, we’re not stopping anytime soon!
